Ask The Sexpert: How Do Lesbians Have Actually Safer Gender? | GO Mag

Of late, I’ve been seeing countless different health resources and area leaders explore exactly how lesbians don’t need condoms whatsoever inside their intercourse practices. And this concept seriously perplexes me! Every time I read it someplace, we pause and believe

huh? Where did they obtain better gender information from?

This is exactly a part of a larger societal problem because lesbian, queer and bi ladies are typically left when you look at the discussion about intimate health insurance and STIs. It is as if people believe

STIs

only originate from penises and this lesbian, queer and bisexual females do not previously

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs may be passed on in many different techniques
. Through skin to epidermis contact. From rectal intercourse. From dental sex. From discussing adult sex toys. Just about any sort of sex that you are having, its most likely that STIs might end up being handed down, from individual to individual. It is additionally vital to remember that lesbian, queer and bisexual females often have penises. Or often we utilize dildos during sex. And for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier approach to lower the likelihood of STIs becoming passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to keep in mind that it’s not the end of worldwide any time you test good for an STI. Lifetime and your love life are not more than. When we are able to gain access to this type of better sex info, subsequently we are able to all develop and discover together—and do have more enjoyable intercourse!

We’ve already talked-about
various shield techniques
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever sex with each other. And yes, condoms are included in those options. You need to use condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in vagina or when having
anal sex
, when you are using a masturbator or dildo, and you can also cut a condom down the heart (with scissors) if you want a dental care dam for analingus or dental sex. Once we tell ladies who sleep with other women which they don’t

demand

condoms to train better intercourse, we have been perpetuating this misconception our gender is intrinsically safe from any STIs becoming discussed.

Many of my lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies sometimes have a good laugh about how they don’t practice better intercourse. We hear queer females make jokes about dental care dams and just how they do not have as soon as used them. All this tends to make me personally wonder whom in our society perform really exercise much safer sex? Of course, if our company isn’t utilizing barrier strategies, tend to be we after that having in-depth discussions about the sexual wellness before we f*ck? Are we constantly prioritizing obtaining examined between the partners? And not a pap smear (
because that does not cover everything
), but like getting a complete work-up?

I don’t say any kind of this as judgmental, at all. I’ve already been that girl to have a good laugh about dental care dams. I’ve also got one night stands where i did not prioritize me personally or my partner’s intimate wellness. But i would like you doing better. I want you to have genuine, nuanced discussions about all of our sexual health. Given that it matters, ladies. And I also need to get previous laughing about dental care dams and shrugging down condoms as an alternative.

Frequently contained in this discussion, I have expected

well, what if i wish to make use of a dental care dam but she doesn’t believe’s sexy?

This anxiety is so prevalent that personally i think like countless lesbian, queer and bisexual women are even afraid to inquire of their particular partners to apply better gender. But let me make it clear a queer lady secret, getting oral intercourse through a dental dam is gorgeous and seems incredible. Actually, the person it truly changes things for will be the person offering the dental. It is somewhat various of an event, but the one that you could get utilized to! It really is hot for any person receiving because 1. you are both prioritizing each other’s intimate wellness, which is hot AF and 2. inside my sincere opinion, it nevertheless seems pleasant as f*ck.

In addition discover how hard it could be to bring in the dialogue of STIs when you have sex, specifically if you’ve never really had intercourse with this specific individual before. One thing I’ve learned in my own numerous years of messily navigating gender and connections is as I talk with someone regarding sorts of gender we both want and with what style of barriers we need to use—i’ve wayyyy much better sex. Like I am not saying this because I’m a sex nerd. I’m letting you know my personal truthful queer lady reality. Gender is way better as soon as you speak about desire plus figures initially.

Let’s break it down.

Both you and this prospective hookup don’t know one another’s systems however. Each and every person features their own desires and clicks and moves, that turn all of them the f*ck on. Even though you can perform a guessing game while you’re making love to figure out just what ~feels very good~ for this brand-new individual, you could potentially alternatively, mention it in advance. Actually it enjoyable to f*ck somebody how they desire to be f*cked? Then you definitely already know the go-to place on their behalf, where you wanna establish to and ways to get them to be putty inside hand.

Regarding writing on exactly what barriers and/or toys you need to make use of while you’re having sex—a significant people believe it really is extremely perhaps not sexy and takes all of the fun from the jawhorse. But envision if you are sex nevertheless entire time you are anxious since you actually desired to make use of a dental dam but failed to can inform this lady can so now you can not have an orgasm since you’re thus in your mind about not talking up to meet your needs? Which is no enjoyable for anyone, believe me. When you are getting that discussion off the beaten track prior to beginning having sexual intercourse, then you already know to go for the condom when you use your own strap-on or whether she actually is cool with liquid connection or not. These are important areas of intercourse and we also should never ignore all of them.

https://www.meetbisexualwomen.org/bisexual-women.html

You will find homework for many people scanning this at this time. The very next time you’re having a brand new hookup with someone, just be sure to incorporate a few of these discussions when you smack the bedsheets and discover precisely what the results are. We guess you you will involve some mind-blowing consensual safer sex!

Got any sex questions? Go ahead and touch base: Corinne@gomag.com!